• Eddie

The Guide to Cooking Cauliflower Rice That Doesn’t Suck


Cauliflower rice has only 25 calories per cup vs. 218 cals for a cup of cooked brown rice. And, if you’re watching carbs, cauliflower has 5g per cup vs. 46g for a cup of brown rice. 

Step 1: Turn Cauliflower Into Rice

Take your head of cauliflower and cut the stem off. Now, you’re going to turn the florets into something that resembles rice (I think it’s more of a couscous, but that would be a harder sell, so we’ll stick with rice.) You can use any contraption in your kitchen: a cheese grater, a food processor, a ricer, or just a sharp knife. You can even buy a bag of Riced Cauliflower at Trader Joe’s for $2.49.


Step 2: Fatten it Up

Don’t you dare think about blanching that cauliflower. Unless you love the smell of farts while you’re cooking, there is no reason to do that. We’re going to get a big old pan and coat the bottom with a little bit of fat. (The reason restaurant food is better than the food you cook at home is because they load it up with salt and fat.) I like coconut oil here, but feel free to use any oil, or butter, or ghee, or whatever you have around. Just make sure to use around 2 Tbsp of it, and melt it in the pot.


Step 3: The Saute

Get the pan hot, swish around the oil, and throw the rice in. Stir it so it’s equally coated with the oil, then hit it with a punch (about 3 pinches) of salt. Saute and stir for 2 minutes.


Step 4: Bust a Nut (or other additional ingredients)

½ cup of toasted nuts pair really well with CauliRice, and it’s one of my go-to moves. I’ll use cashews, almonds, walnuts, even macadamias if they’re on sale. The nuts make the dish much more substantial and filling without the adding carbs if you give a shit about that kind of thing. 

Other Ingredients that can be added during the saute phase: lentils, beans, spinach, peas, seitan, tempeh, tofu, any green veg, olives, canned artichoke, capers, minced garlic, chopped peppers…really, whatever TF you want to put in there that doesn’t need too much cooking and goes with rice.


Step 4: The Finishing Move

Once you’ve done the quick saute, add 2 T of water to the pan, stir it around, cover the pan, and turn the heat all the way down to the lowest setting. Let it cook like that for 5 minutes. 

Once the timer goes off, it’s technically done. Give it a taste. If you like it, you’re good to go. If it needs something…add that something. 

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© 2018 Eddie McNamara